NEVER GIVE UP ON A DREAM JUST BECAUSE OF THE TIME IT WILL TAKE TO ACCOMPLISH IT. THE TIME WILL PASS ANYWAY.

Is it too late to make a New Years resolution? Considering I failed at going to the gym daily and to get my diet back on track, I think I will make a new one, make weekly blog posts. It's not like I have the time or anything but realising that it has been two years since I have posted I feel ashamed. So much for documenting my journey towards getting my degree......

Since my last blog post I have completed my first placement (4 weeks in a birth to 2 year room) and nailed it!! My twin boys Master E and Master J are now in Prep. Yep started and finished Kindergarten and are now in full time school! Lost a job, gained a new one and then lost that one and went back to the old one. Confused? I think I confused myself with that one. Night work finished up at my workplace so I got a new job, finished 2 weeks training and then realised I couldn't commit to the full time casual hours (which I thought were part time casual hours) and ended up back at the job that canned nights, but working arvo shifts.

So now I am working afternoons 1-6pm, kids are at school 5 days a week and I am still plodding away towards my Bachelor of Education degree. I thought with the boys at school full time I would have my days to dedicate to study and then head to work of a night. This new arvo shift thing has foiled that plan. I am now trying to cram study in between 9am and 11:45am. Not an easy task. The sacrifice that I have had to make is my weekends. Getting home from work close to 7pm means I have time to do home reader with the boys, eat some dinner, unwind alone for a couple of hours before heading to bed and doing it all over again.

The last two years have seen me seriously consider my choices and if I am doing the right thing. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, trying as hard as I can but still not getting anywhere. I am getting impatient, I want to finish the degree, get a job and start earning a decent wage. Uggggh still two and a half years to go. Oh well best get on with it and quit complaining. Which brings me to my new motto:

 

NEVER GIVE UP ON A DREAM JUST BECAUSE OF THE TIME IT WILL TAKE TO ACCOMPLISH IT. THE TIME WILL PASS ANYWAY.

- Earl Nightingale -

BACK FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!!!

Finally I have finished Semester One of my second year as a university student! Can I get a WOO HOO?
It has been a very hard slog this semester, increasing my workload to 3 subjects, effectively making me a full time student. Three Assignments due in the last fortnight has left me frazzled and mentally exhausted, but I managed to cross the finish line on Thursday morning. Phew!

The first assignment of the three was a numeracy assignment, maths and anything maths related has always been a struggle for me, anything that I can't use a calculator for I will avoid at all costs. The assignment was a Power Point presentation (a program that I had no experience with prior to this semester) I had to convince a fictional room of Art teachers the importance of numeracy and mathematics in an art classroom. I managed to submit this assignment with a week to spare so let's hope that I get alright marks for this one. The second assignment was portfolio of my increased knowledge of teaching and reflection on why I want to be a teacher and why I would be suited to the profession. Is good money and good holidays a good enough reason? :) My final assignment revolved around childhood and education theorists and I had to explain how the theories are relevant to classroom practices today, linking the theories to the curriculum. I though this assignment would be the easiest. I was wrong! I struggled BIG time and in the end I ensured I had met the word count, threw in some references and now I am just praying that I pass. I was so over it that to be honest, I didn't care if I passed or failed I just wanted to submitted and out of my life mind!

So now I have two glorious weeks of spending quality time with the boys, catching up on washing and housework, cooking and general 'normal' day to day tasks and I am a tad excited! The stress since February has increased at a steady pace as I've tried to stay on top of everything, little sleep, work every night and squabbling kids has left me irritable and moody to say the least! Proof to my short fuse and irrational flare ups is a burst blood vessel I discovered in my eye this morning, commonly caused from constant coughing or in my case constant yelling and screaming at my poor children. :( I have big plans for my two weeks off, most important aim, to spend lots of quality time with the boys, parks, cooking, playing, visiting & possible Zoo Doo, YMCA fit and fun and anything else my limited budget will allow.

After my two week hiatus I will be starting Prac for uni in a birth to two year room at a childcare centre. Surely I have the experience with juggling twins to ace it right? Let's hope so! I will be on prac for 4 weeks, working 8 hour days 5 days a week and then heading to my 'paid' job of a night. I can feel the exhaustion coming on already. Poop. I am hoping that the centre that I am based in will allow me to work until 4pm at the latest so that I am able to make it to work, without an income I will up SHIT creek. Oh well these are the sacrifices I must make to ensure that I finish my degree, get a job that I love, that pays well and allows me to be on holidays with the children that cause me such stress and frustration! Hang on, is that what I really want, shouldn't I be trying to get a job that takes me away from my kids? LOL Joking (or am I?) :)

Once my 4 weeks prac is over Semester two starts then I just have to make it through to October and I have completed my second year of studies. This means I will have 4 more years to go! Now that is exciting, what will I do when I have no studying to dominate my life. Read a book, that isn't a text book? Join a gym? Take up knitting? No probably just be busy trying to plan lessons and write reports and wonder if I have made the right career choice. Ha ha

Until next time, remember I am back for a limited time only (2 weeks to be exact) tickets are selling fast!

I think I need to take up juggling........stress balls.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit *making sign of the cross*. It has been 4 weeks since my last confession blog post.

What a four weeks it's been.The stress levels are reachig a maximum as I try and juggle, uni, work, my family, housework and a social life. Two of these I have mentioned have been neglected totally. When the semester started I was lulled into a false sense of security. Week one will always start with a 20 minute lecture welcoming you, a reading of 3 pages (usually the introduction or foreword of a text) and the discussion board post/activity will be a short blurb about yourself. Simple. As the weeks wear on the workload doubles quadruples. Each week I dedicate time for study. Monday I try to get as much done as possible with the kids around. Tuesday they are at care so I try to belt out as much as I can usually leaving me with readings and discussion board posts to complete of a night when I get home from work (never happens) and during the day on Wednesday and Thursday. The last couple of weeks there has been a bit going on, so the things I plan to catch up on never happens. This has resulted in me playing catch up, which is reality is like me being one of those crazy dogs chasing their tail. Both that crazy dog and I never get what we are chasing!

I don't want to sound like a whinger but there quite honestly are not enough hours in the day! I am usually a laid back relaxed person and don't let much faze me but the pressure is starting to get to me. I snap at the kids, have no quality time to spend with them and the time I do spend with them I feel like all I do is yell. Shopping with my darling boys on Friday at Big W I was mortified by Master J's outburst at a complete stranger. Trying to make our way back to our trolley and a woman was standing there looking at clothing. I said to Master J "Say excuse me please". Instead he bellows "Move out of my way". I cringe and apologise, explain to Master J that you do not speak to people like that. Then today whilst getting them ready for care, I am trying to make their lunches and Master J is constantly under my feet. Instead of saying to him "Excuse me please" I bellow "Move out of my way". And I wonder where he gets it from :( This then has resulted in mothers guilt. Which I am sure mothers who work full time go through everyday. I feel guilty that I have no patience with the kids and I am studying to become a teacher, a job that requires you to be patient with kids. Am I scarring my children and teaching them bad habits because of my stress levels, lack of sleep and lack of patience? I am looking forward to Semester 1 being over so I can spend quality time with them and have fun with them because lately I feel like all I do is yell. And just thinking about it makes me teary. It's not their fault, it's mine how bored must they be being stuck at home 5-6 days a week with their only outing usually being the supermarket and childcare. I want to take them on adventures and expand their little minds, am I sacrificing my own children to teach someone elses in the future?

I find myself having days latley where I am thinking this is too much, I can't juggle work, study, family life and other obligations. Surely it would be easier for me to work full time and start bringing in the cash now! I have to keep telling myself it will be over in 4 1/2 years and then we will be in a better position financially and the boys will have more time to spend with me because we will on holidays from school at the same time. Four and half years? I say that like it's easy, but it is going to be a serious struggle. On the plus side the boys start kinder next year which we just found out is for 3 full days a week! Woo Hoo How sad. ;) I know a minute ago I was saying how guilty I feel. But in reality if the boys are at school 3 full days a week then that means I have 3 full days of study a week instead of 1. Surely that will mean they are getting the attention and stimulation they need at school and I will be able to spend quality time with them on their days off! And I will be able to bowl over my Uni workload in the 3 days they are not here.

3 assessments submitted and 3 to go. Then Semester 1 is over. Then a little break before starting 4 weeks prac. Eeeeek. I am nervous. It will be another task to add to my already busy schedule. I have received my mark back for one assessment a PP+. I am happy with a pass. Yeah sure distinctions and high distinctions are better but when push comes to shove I only need to pass to graduate. My future potential employers aren't going to ask to see all my marked assignments. They just want to see the degree!!!

Illness strikes again.....

Well another week of study has begun in the Stalker household and right on cue darling Master E has fallen ill. :(
Monday is my day to spend printing out readings for the week and writing a list of what is required for each subject, lectures, readings and discussion posts. If time permits I will get a lecture out of the way and start on the subject that looks to have the least amount of content for the week. I have achieved that so far so am happy with my progress considering.

As mentioned Master E is sick. Started with a high temp and generally miserable with a yucky cough. The temp has gone and I have been left with a child that has a constant tickle in his throat which has resulted in sleepless nights for both him and I. After so many remedies (none of which worked) Mr Stalker came to the rescue today by coming home with Ventolin (which is available without a prescription and only $5). Thank God! Maybe we will get somewhere now. He is currently dozing on the couch next to me, a regular thing the last couple of days. Master J on the other hand has commandeered my iPhone and is watching Peppa Pig on YouTube. Peaceful child one side, noisy on the other!

So with Master E sick, Master J will be heading to care all alone tomorrow. Study will still be my priority but tending to my little man will no doubt provide enough of a distraction. I fell behind with study last week got the lectures out of the way and had the best of intentions to return to the readings but didn't make it. A 6 hour working day on Saturday from 10am to 4pm was perfectly timed so that nothing really productive could be done before or after. Six day working weeks have also left me drained and uninterested when I get home after 9.30pm of a night. Bless my darling husband for giving me a sleep in on Sunday, because as he put it "you've been working heaps lately" don't let that sweet comment fool you, the next morning I told him how sweet it was for him to think of me and consider how tired I was. His reply then was "You have been working heaps lately, I have too I just don't whinge about it" Ding! Ding! Ding! There it is folks a thoughtful comment cut down by a cheap shot, ha ha ha he will keep ;)  Only working 5 days this week but with two of them being 10.30pm finishes I am already dreading it.

The bonus to come this week is I have the weekend off and we will be dropping the kids to my parents for the night on Saturday to go out and celebrate our First Wedding Anniversary. One year already. I still remember the rainy miserable (weather wise) day we got married. It was bad weather the whole time we were on Daydream Island, but a memorable time away with our family and friends. Many memories and friendships made. I would love to relive that day over again, we had a blast! So we are heading to dinner at Rockwall Bar and Grill and I have been waiting to try the food at this place for ages. Extremely excited for a night out with my hubby and without the children and a sleep in for us both. Let's just hope that Master E is better before then, he is excited to be staying at Nanny and Poppy's and is already planning what is going to pack. Told me he is having pancakes for breakfast and nuggets for tea (just for something different).

Work awaits me and study tomorrow. Must stay abreast of it all so that I can enjoy a break over Easter for Uni's mid semester break!

Procrastination

Discovering late last week that I had my first assignment due today, I looked over the task description and thought to myself "Ha, write 1600 words about myself, piece of cake". Hmmm not so much. If I'd been given an assignment to write about something I had to research the task may have been much easier. In reality who likes to toot their own horn and write about the qualities they possess that will make for a great teacher.

I started by writing a few dot points thinking they would be easy to elaborate on. The dot points were as far as I had made it. I found small tasks to distract me. Anyone that knows me knows that I don't enjoy housework and will usually find any excuse to avoid such tasks. To avoid the assignment that was going nowhere, I got my washing upto date, vacuumed, washed floors, changed beds and even considered cleaning out my wardrobe (not even the queen of procrastination could go that far). But no matter what I did that blank piece of paper that was waiting for a cracking assignment to be written was waiting for me.

Wednesday I had grand plans to getting something concrete down in the morning. Sitting at the computer I got my first migraine, which scared the crap out of me. Vision less than average and two kids that weren't aware that Mummy was scaring herself into thinking she was having a stroke (yes, do not google symptoms of any illness or ailment EVER).

I started getting somewhere on Thursday afternoon getting more than three words written down and starting to get in the flow of writing something that made sense. Then it was time to go to work! Getting home that night at 10pm sitting in front of a computer after I'd been doing just that for 5 hours at work wasn't so appealing. I thought I'd tackle it again in the morning.

Friday morning came and I thought I would get the grocery shopping out of the way early, by the time I got out the door it was after 10am and didn't make it back until just before lunch. Then followed more procrastination, cleaning out the fridge, getting the boys lunch and being distracted by my many games that I have going on my phone of 'draw something' (a beautiful distraction really). I got back into the study and started trawling through the discussion board posts other students were posting asking questions about the assignment and getting other peoples input on how to structure the assignment and what was required for each section. This was a mistake this was yet another distraction, but this distraction created more confusion about the task at hand. After reading the many, many posts I had to head to work again. A four hour shift which was a pleasant change to the usual five hours. Upon arriving home at 9pm I again planned to get some study done. It was more appealing to eat a late dinner, catch on the shows I had recorded on MyStar and get an early night.

Saturday saw a brief sleep in and snuggles with my boys :) then a couple of hours study before heading to work for the afternoon and then a party that night.

Sunday was planned to spend a lovely day with my family that went pear shaped and saw me taking the kids down to Hungry Jacks for lunch or Number Jacks as they call it. Being alone with two children who decided at the same time they needed to go to the toilet, proved to be a frustrating task. As I returned to our table I walked past the young girl who worked there with our lunch covered in rubbish. She'd cleared our table and we'd only been gone for a minute and a half tops! I told her that we were not finished. She stared at me blankly gave me a half arsed apology and continued on her merry way. Customer service at it's best. NOT! We left there and went to my parents place for a couple of hours, yes I was still avoiding the assignment was going nowhere fast. Just before leaving to come home my darling Master J was complaining of a sore belly and had a raging temperature. I bundled the kids in the car and made for home, Less than 5 minutes after pulling out of Mum and Dad's driveway Master J was covering my backseat in a rainbow of icy pole and lolly scented vomit. The vomiting continued when we got home between brief cat naps and delirium. My hubby took over mopping his brow and sitting him up when another round of nausea hit. I locked myself in the study and completed my assignment to a certain extent anyway.

I took care of the finishing touches this morning referencing and doing final word counts. Reading over it one last time I bit the bullet and hit submit. I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. :) Until next week when assignment number 2 is due and the whole merry go round of assignment writing and procrastination will begin again. Back to my old work place tonight where I have picked up some hours for the next 5 weeks and I am excited. My week is starting off well, let's see where it ends up! And as for the assignment, the proof will be in the pudding.

LIGHT AT THE END OF A VERY LONG TUNNEL

Week two has started and I am proud to say that I have almost completed this weeks workload! Yay me! Aside from some reading and a web conference tomorrow night at 7pm I am almost there.

The subjects I have taken on this semester are Foundations of Teaching - which as a requirement means I have to undertake a 4 week placement in a birth to two years class environment. This means juggling work, childcare and my placement which will no doubt be difficult. I work from 4.30pm-8.30pm weeknights and 1pm-5pm on weekends. If I happen to get a placement (which I will not find out until two weeks prior) that requires me to be there past 4pm I will only be able to work weekends which will result in little money and me being a very tired soul. Four weeks placement full time for the days and working weekends will also mean I will not have much time left for my (supportive) husband and (mummy loving) children. The childcare side of it works out well as placement starts soon after my Mum retires, which means she has volunteered to look after the boys and my husband will be taking a week of holidays to give her some relief. Although he is home by lunchtime most days so if Mum decides she has had enough of her darling grandsons she can bring them home for hubby to take over. If I happen to fail this subject though placement will not happen and I will be taking a massive step backwards. Failure is NOT an option!

The second subject I have taken on is Personal and Professional Numeracy. People that know me will know that Mathematics was never a strong point for me. This subject sees me re-exploring the mathematical world and all the joyful aspects of it. I seem to have a grasp on what has been put infront of me so far but I can only assume the subject matter will get harder. I am hoping to complete and pass this unit as it was one that I dropped last year during first semester. The reason I dropped it was because I had just started on my path towards my degree and I was overwhelmed with the work load whilst trying to plan our wedding and knowing that we were going to be away for a couple of weeks, didn't want to get too far behind in my studies.

And lastly the third subject for semester one is Early Childhood Theories of Teaching and Learning. This is an elective but a requirement for my degree. It explores the theories of educators and theorists throughout history and how it is still relevant today. Whilst completing this weeks lectures and readings I was amused and amazed to see what rules were put in place for teachers in the 1800's and even 1915. Here is what was required of Female Victorian Teachers in 1915:

* Must be single.
* Are not to keep company with males.
* Must be home between the hours of 8pm and 6am unless attending a school function.
* Are not permitted to loiter downtown or in icecream parlours (What the?)
* May not travel beyond city limits without permission from the education board.
* May not travel in the car with a male unless it is her father or brother.
* May not smoke cigarettes.
* May not dress in bright colours.
* Under no circumstances to dye their hair.
* Must wear two petticoats and dresses to be no shorter than two inches above the ankle.

Thankgod I don't live during these times. My career would be over before it began! How strange to have such restrictions, most of which are applied outside school hours.

So the ball is rolling and it's only going to get more full on from here. I am still of the mind set that my 5 year plan is in action and once qualified a world of opportunities will await me! I will get my weekends back, I will have a steady income and we will be in a position to do the things in life we want to do. There is light at the end of the tunnel, at the moment it seems like a firefly in the distance but regardless it is ahead and waiting for me to reach it! :)

Day 1 - DRAMA

Day one of Semester One and I am wondering what I have got myself in for!

To enable me to tackle study head on this year, we decided to transform our spare room into a functioning study. This involved having our electrician friend install a new powerpoint and phone line to set up our new desk and desktop computer. That is all well and good the desk is set up beautifully but amongst all our junk and excess of kids toys, which is hardly good feng shui or a perfect study environment.

Our old computer which I am using is going better than I expected. Our laptop is at 'the doctor' and what we thought was a simple virus has now turned into a unknown virus that our computer doctor has never encountered before. This may result in a new hard drive needing to be installed and me losing all my photos :( and music! Great!

So day one started today. Made my coffee and logged in. Within the first 20 minutes I thought I have this sooooooo under control! Wrong! Lectures will not load (I think due to my computer needing quicktime and adobe upgrades). I have listed all my assessment due dates and week one tasks and seem to have some grasp on what is expected. The kids have other plans for my time this morning. After a stinking hot night which resulted in little sleep on my part my darling boys thought 5am was a great time to rise. Great! Also due to my study area being set up in their old bedroom which still holds most of their toys (farm sets, lego, mr potato head and trains and tracks) that require supervision due to small parts and if they were left in a communal area my house would look like a bomb had gone off. So the boys have rediscovered all these toys and have been grabbing one thing out after another. The heat has meant I can't simply shut the door and get through week one in peace. So after getting everything out this morning I told them to clean up their mess and it would seem this morning their ears were painted on! Getting frustrated I said "Clean up all your farm animals and dinosaurs (Kmart cheap sets, which from memory cost me $10 each) now or I throw them in the bin". My charming 3 year old boys reply "Throw them in the bin". For once in my life I followed through. They are now in the recycling bin. Constant fighting and bickering and 2 stints in the corner for Master J before 10.30am has left me drained and I haven't done anything on the Uni front apart from write out what I have to do in week one and what date my assignments are due!

And to add insult to injury I have a headcold that has left me sniffling with blocked ears and a head that is about to explode! Oh yeah and work tonight for 5 hours in a call centre! Oh Joy! Kids are in care all day tomorrow and after tonight no work until Friday night. I have big ambitions this week and I intend to get there to ensure that I am not behind from the get-go!

2 coffees down and a can of V. Time to get serious!